justin_guber - @ 20six.co.uk

The Dilemma

Hmmm.

I seem to have cornered myself into a slight problem with the movie.

You see, there was a scene that I was hoping I could shoot with my parents. Like I said before, my mom's not too hot about appearing in a movie filled with expletives, even if they're of the PG-13 variety. I've been trying to figure out how to counter this and it's been bugging my brain all morning.

The scene's pretty important, because it's meant to reveal the reasons behind why the main character does what he does, and I've been trying to come up with different ways of getting the same thing done with... mixed results.

And, of course, there's the whole issue about the action sequence. I'm incredibly tempted to take it out completely.

Grrr. Aargh. Working with limitations makes you work around them creatively.

Unfortunately, I can't figure out how to get out of this little pickle.

10.11.05 06:49

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Yet another reason why the net is better than TV

Hollaback girl. With a twist. An Indian twist. Click here.

Courtesy of an e-mail from Aza.

10.11.05 08:08

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Buggerty Bollocky Balls

This is what happens when you're too fucking knackered and don't have a proper producer to handle your shit when you're zoned out.

I was supposed to shoot today. I hastily planned a day of scenes and thought nothing of it until I looked at the schedule sheet again today: they are all outdoor scenes in public places. Now, ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem, because we usually shoot on weekends.

But it's not a weekend today, and these locations are packed with people.

Shit.

So I'm gonna take it easy today and plan my shit out. Fuck my brain. Fuck it with a shovel.

11.11.05 05:29

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Figured it out

I think I may have figured out at least one of the many dilemmas on this troubled shoot: the parents scene.

The parents scene, apart from trying to show a slice of home life for a character such as this, was to shed some light on how the main character ends up doing what he does.

Now I've figured out how to do it without even showing the parents, although it involves a whole new character who I now have to cast.

And there's still the problem of my 'chase' sequence (which I'm probably going to ditch), the fact that one of the locations is only available on Saturday and the actress for that scene is only available on Sunday and all kinds of other weirdness.

Ain't filmmaking fun, kids?

11.11.05 06:23

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Ciplak: Day 7, 8, 9 - Production

Day 7 of production was supposed to start on Friday, but that didn't happen for a variety of reasons. The lethargy of the oast week (or should I say month) had caught up with me, but I still struggled on, trying to plan everything, thinking to myself, "goddamn, I need a producer".

I decided to go out for a cup of coffee when I suddenly realized something: it's a weekday. All the shots I'd planned for Friday were outdoors in places where there usually wouldn't be anyone on weekends but on a Friday, these places were super-packed. Fuck. I called up Tony (who was covering camera duties on the days Ariff couldn't make it) and cancelled.

By some twisted coincidence, Eddy was off on the same day. I picked the Edstar up and we hung out at Devi's in Hartamas whilst I got my car washed, then did something I haven't done for almost a year: lepak (laze about) and play video games.

You see, for the past year everytime I've met up with a friend there was an agenda/objective to the meeting. But not on Friday. I had no reason to hang out with Eddy other than the pleasure of his company and we went over to his place to play Soul Caliber 2, Tony Hawk 3 and SSX Tricky till the sun went down.

God, I needed that. After the hustle and bustle that has been my life it felt so good to know that I wasn't at Eddy's place because there were things that needed to be done and it was even better to know that I didn't have to rush off to somewhere else after that to get something else done. It was just relaxing times, listening to Steppenwolf and playing video games. Kick. Fucking. Ass.

Then, later that night, I hit up the Loft for some Twilight Action Girl after what has been maybe two months of no booze. Naren joined me together with Tony and the boys of Voxel (Jordan, Rauf, etc) and we got crunked up. This was, thankfully, one of the nights where they played a whole bunch of tracks I knew and loved. Never thought I'd get to rock out to both Beastie Boys' "Root Down" and the Public Enemy/Anthrax combo version of "Bring tha noize".

Day 7 (for real, this time) - Woke up hungover and feeling very tender. I had a scene to shoot with the folks from Ben's Bitches, who will be playing the DVD pirates in my movie, and the rest of the day would be the scenes I planned to shoot on Friday of me in various carparks (my movie has a lot of scenes in carparks).

I was sat in the mamak at Pusat Bandar Damansara, waiting for Ben and CK and Tony, when I get a call: Ben can make it, CK can't. Shit. Nevermind, I'll schedule it for another day. Still feeling like shit, I was having a bad feeling about the production in general. Whilst I had a great time on Friday, I was still thinking about how troublesome this production has been. This, in turn, got me to thinking that if I wasn't making this movie I could have more days like Friday. This thought depressed me.

Then it rained.

That was all I needed. Add to that the fact that I was broke and I was seriously considering shutting everything down. Fuck it, I figured. I ain't cut out for this shit.

Then Tony arrived. The night before he had just finished reading the entire script and the dude was still raving about it. I told him how I was feeling. He put things in perspective and gave me enough of an ego boost to persevere and keep on trucking. He also bought me coffee and a sandwich, which was nice.

Thank God.

The rain stopped and was replaced with a bright, blue sky and the car eventually dried up around 2pm. One of the carpark locations I had in mind (which I never really scouted) came out even better than I thought when I found it was no longer in use, just an empty barren wasteland which suited the scene perfectly (there was also a set of eerie yellow stairs leading to nowhere in the woods nearby. Possible future location). We shot some scenes straight and for fun, tried out some funky ass camera techniques which came out looking quite cool.

We then went to our other location, the carpark at the Pusat Sains and shot some of the other scenes there which came out great and most importantly, played hillariously. I decided to ad-lib what was in the script no more than "Jo loses it". I doubt you'll find a Malaysian production with the lines "sea monkeys in the penis" anywhere else. Hell, that should be our Unique Selling Point.

I was so glad Tony convinced me to keep going.

Day 8 - At around 1.30pm Diana, Ariff and I made our way to Hassan Peter Brown's house to pick him up. We were going to shoot his scenes at Jordan's house, a huge and richly decorated location with a very nice backgarden patio/pool thingey. Peter and I had discussed previously about wardrobe and he had gone out to buy a tight white sleeveless shirt ("to make my character look more bisexual" I think was his reasoning). I had, on my side, an outfit I had bought in Egypt: a light, khaki coloured Egyiptian cotton two piece of trousers (tied by a string) and short sleeve shirt. when Peter put it on, we both agreed this was the look, giving hi a very colonial feel as if the Brits never left.

I had planned to shoot all his scenes on that day but that was wishful thinking. There are three scenes that need to be shot at this location. I managed to get one.

But it looked kick-ass. Peter takes this acting lark a bit more seriously than most of us, ever the trooper, and put in a great fucking performance. He delivered the lines just as I imagined them (well, not exactly how I imagined them: I originally wrote the character like Noel Coward, he turned him into Hannibal Lecter) with a ton of menace.

Then we shot the big beating up scene. This is where my character gets beat to a pulp by Peter's characters' "goons". Amir and Dique agreed to help out (I wanted to get the guys from Voxel since they'll always be at location). I blocked out the scene for the main shot at a low angle. I wanted to shoot it as a series of cuts, but thought I'd tell the cast what was happening so that they could block the scene as per. I called out action and they went through the entire scene without stopping. And surprisingly, it looked best. In a nutshell, Peter hits me repeatedly with an iron bar, then his goons come and drag me across before proceeding to beat me up. And they really hit me. Whilst they pulled their punches, all their kicks connected, and connected hard enough that I don't have to dub in any sound effects.

Kick ass.

As the sun came down it was time to get my ass to make-up. Diana's friend, Aishah, worked production at RTM with her boyfriend and knew how to do movie make-up. We made our way to the Taman Tun house and as we settled down, Aishah and her boyfriend noticed one DVD in particular.

"Whoah! Army of Darkness! Best giler cerita ni!" ("This movie rules!")

So, whilst getting 'made up', we slotted Army in.

The purpose of the make-up was to make me look like I'd been beaten to a pulp, so Aishah proceed to bruise my eye and the right side of my lip. I was hesitant at first. I didn't want it to look like stage make-up, I wanted to look like I got my ass kicked. But they knew exactly what they were doing and when I finally looked at the mirror I was stunned.

We then went to meet up with Nazneen and Ariff for the night scene. Ariff was held up so we started late. They were both at a mamak stall so I walked in, in character, much to the shock of the patrons, especially Ariff, who couldn't stop staring. It took him about 5 minutes before he realized I was in make-up.

The night scene was something I wrote after re-looking at the script and noticing there were no positive characters. No actual nice people, which kinda bugged me. I also wanted Nazneen in my movie but her portrayal as the annoying girlfriend didn't really work out. She was too nice... hang on. Nazneen's nice, I need a nice person somewhere... BINGO!

So we shot what I like to call the 'Deus Ex Machina' scene in front of a shoplot at Plaza Damansara and it played wonderfully (except for the annoyance of cars driving past making unwanted noise).

We wrapped up for the day at 12.30am and on my way home realized I left the bag with all the tapes and my charger at the location. I rushed back and thankfully it was still there.

I also noticed that for some reason since Saturday I had a bad runny nose and had been sweating a lot. Maybe I was coming down with something... fuck it. The show must go on.

Day 9 - I made my way back to Jordan's house again with Peter and also Tony this time, as Ariff couldn't make it. We shot the rest of Peter's scenes (the really tough ones with the reams of dialogue) and it came out quite cool. Peter should host National Geographic documentaries, he'd be perfect.

I also needed some pick ups of my two goons, Amir and Dique. Peter asked whether I could give them names since he needs to get the attention of the Amir goon. After much thought,

"Call him 'Canterro'."

Or something along these lines. Some Spanish name. Nobody could pull of the scene, they kept cracking up. I decided to have a bit more fun with it.

"Ok, Amir, here's your line. When I click my fingers you and Dique both turn around as if Peter just said the line. Then Amir, I want you to turn to Dique and say with a straight face, 'Come, Poncho. Let's make whoopee', then rush out to chase me."

Hillarity ensued.

I then changed it to "Come Poncho. It's crab season" and as much as they couldn't keep a straight face before, they really couldn't act tough now.

I also wanted their cat in the movie. A particularly horny little bugger, when you repeatedly tap the top of her butt she raises it higher and higher. the guys joked that the cat could come in useful if there was a flat tyre and someone needed to raise the car.

After that, we rushed off to Saiful's parents' house to re-shoot a scene with Saiful and his sister. I had storyboarded the whole thing, thank God, because it started to rain. When Saiful arrived we noticed he had a cap on. Immediately I started thinking of the serial killer from 'Haute Tension' and told him to keep it on. We got all the exterior shots done quickly and ran back into the house to shoot the rest of the scenes.

One of the problems I had with when we first shot one of the scenes here was that in the scene where Farah's character is supposed to pop up from between my legs as if she's been going down on me, (a) it didn't look realistic and (b) I was worried about censors. Even though we don't show it, enough is suggested that you'd know what's going on. So I decided to improvise:

"Ok, set up the camera at an angle, medium shot of the bed. Make sure you can't see my legs, I gotta pop into shot from the bed. Now, first off I'll pop into shot and say 'Oh my God, it's your brother, isn't it?'. Then, Farah: I want you to pop up from next to me holding the straightening iron with a dissapointed look on your face and say the line 'aww... I never get to play'. Ready?"

"What were our characters doing with the straightening iron?"

"If you have to ask, you'll never know. Action!"

I decided to put in quite a number of silly lines in, including a little homage to P. Ramlee where I got Saiful to yell out my favourite Malay insult:

"Kecik-kecik tak nak mampus! Besar-besar menyusahkan orang!"

(roughly translated: "if you had died at birth you wouldn't be such a damn burden!").

And that was a wrap. In total, combined with the other days footage, we've got about 60% of the movie in the can. I've got a couple more scenes to go plus the animation and other effects shots and I'll be done. Hopefully we'll be done by December.

Noonch.

15.11.05 07:16

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Hot Shot Creatives Can Suck On My Toe Jam

Being told you've done something wrong is never fun. In fact, more often than not, it's downright depreciating and embaressing.

Being told you've done something wrong when you're presenting someone elses work and the person you present it to thinks it's your own is not only depreciating and embaressing, it's incredibly infuriating, insulting, degrading and has the ability to piss you off in new found ways you never thought existed. Especially when you're in a position where you can't say otherwise.

So there I was. Yesterday, to be precise. Chilling at my desk with not too many tidbits of work on my plate when my traffic person (so called because he/she coordinates the 'traffic' of work going to and fro from the servicing department to the creatives) comes over saying that I'm needed on a job which is, apparently, a 'no-brainer'.

"All you have to do is present the stuff. All the work's being done from Singapore."

I'm already wary. Nobody's telling me what the product is, what it's about, what's the strategic brief, nothing. And this is a pitch.

I manage to get a call from Singapore where the person on the other end who's come up with this stuff, some multi-award winning creative director, 'briefs' me. Understand me when I say I'm using this term incredibly fucking loosely.

The storyboards are faxed over and as I look through them and listen to the explanations I can already spot a bazillion flaws in them. After the phone call I ask my traffic person whether these ideas have been bought internally. She says yes. Fine, then.

I go through the run-through with the rest of the 'team': all heads of their respective departments. I am but a lowly junior copywriter, but I'm the only one available, and if everyone else is fine with the work (which I, by this point, think is worth less than nothing and am of the firm belief the person who did these ads wouldn't even be able to sell tit-mags to pimply teenage boys) then maybe they know something I don't. I had just come off another pitch where I thought the overall ideas and concepts were passable at best but everyone was happy and the client was, apparently, in awe. Maybe this was the case with this pitch too.

Fat fucking chance. If there's anything this has taught me, it's to trust my instincts.

I brought up my concerns, but it didn't seem like a problem to them. Fine.

This morning I presented these boards to the Chief Operating Officer. This man has seen me in a couple of pitches before and so far my (creative) reputation with this man has been pretty clean. But the dude intimidates me. And when I've got something I didn't do and don't even believe will work, it's a bit tough to sell, to put it lightly.

He politely told me where to stick it.

One of the ads is usable. The other two are about as effective as horse semen on a cockroach.

And, as I expected, I got whacked for it.

Whilst the blame wasn't put solely on me, the fact that I'm the only guy representing the creatives meant there really wasn't anyone else to talk to about how crap it was.

And, to top it all off, in retrospect I should have voiced my opinion of the ads and talked about how I wasn't happy about them and that it was a serious concern. That's my bad.

But, leaving that meeting, the feeling of fucking anger I felt was incomparable. I was ready, right then and there, to tender my resignation because I have better and more productive things to do with my day.

Then came the kicker. I called up the hot shots in Singapore (who, I might add, have less clients than a 2 cent whore with no legs and a moustache) and told them, as politely as I could, about the situation and how another ad is needed to replace the two worthless scraps of fecal matter that hang from the ass crack hairs of there foetal excuse for a concept.

They, in turn, defended the ads with all their might, stating that they "don't see what the problem is", the concerns are "unwarranted" and they feel it "unfair to have to put in more work".

I put down the phone politely before yelling obscenities at the poor machine, much to the shock of the others in the office.

Thankfully, by then my superior was back and I told him of the problems. He's gonna be the one that has to end up presenting this worthless shit to the client (if he couldn't make it I was back-up, hence my involvement). He took one look at the work and was prepared to vomit blood. I then told him what happened and what the multi award winning creative directors from Singapore told me. I deduced that either

(a) they truly believed in their work (*ring!* hello? Ah, it's your village, they say their idiots are missing),

(b) they have no intention to work on this project anymore than they already have (which is weird considering it's their fucking JOB) or

(c) they believe that my requests and point of view is of no interest to them for I am but a lowly junior copywriter whereas they are decorated award winning creative directors (and they probably won the awards by stealing ideas from lowly juniors).

My superior reckons its (c).

So now we at Malaysia have to fix up their stinking turd of an ad, we have to make it all up and we have until tomorrow.

I find it particularly ironic that the product is for one of those baby milk powders that supposedly makes your child more intelligent and creative and yet the people in charge with making these ads have the intelligence of a fart and the creativity of a nose hair.

If it wasn't for the fact that I have a few friends in Singapore I'd bomb the place just to make sure those fucktards don't breed.

16.11.05 04:59

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Help Whore Me To The Masses

Ok. Ordinarily I wouldn't do this, but I figure 'fuck it', one must whore one-self however one thinks one must.
One. Tanamera.
Anyway, yes. This is a call to all you readers (yes, all twelve of you) who may, by some twisted turn of events, be involved in the press/media in anyway: the Y2k album will be shipped off for mastering overseas next Monday before going for printing and my feature length movie 'Ciplak' should be out and about by the end of December with a trailer and website by the end of this month and (here it comes) I need some exposure.
If any of you guys can help me out on this (and I know for a fact some of you guys work in the press so help a brother out, G) or if you know anyone who you could spread the word to, it would be most appreciated.
Of course, all you peeps out there working for the press who I know personally will be hounded by me on an individual basis until you either relent or set the rampant wilderbeasts on me. But I figured I'd give you all a heads up. That way you'll have enough time to run to the hills and pursue more worthwhile and interesting press stories.
I'm writing up a pre-press release (not the final final press release, but enough to possibly give an editor a half-woody). Reason why I'm starting so early, I completely forget the amount of time it takes for things like printing (in the case of magazines), permission from superiors on high (in the case of everything, really) and ass scratching of the highest order as you wonder whether my 2 minute blow job is enough compensation to write up about my crazed untalented antics as I attempt to set myself up so I can start doing crap creative endeavours for myself (as opposed to crap creative endeavours for clients with walnuts for brains).
So yes. Calling all press! Help whore me out to the unsuspecting masses! Unleash another 'Khai'! The public are hungry and the empty slot 'Khai AF' has left after everyone realised how untalented a nutbag he was needs to be filled by another talentless hack with a goofy smile! this time with glasses! I am the one who can fill that hole!
(hehehe... filling holes... hehehe)
Seriously, though. Help me out, man... Buy my cheeseburger, man... I'll suck yo' dick.

16.11.05 06:17

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So I'm Thinking Of Taking Up Boxing

It wasn't my idea, though, but it strangely seems like a good one.

See, my friend Naren's thinking of taking up boxing together with another friend of mine, the Godslacker (as we called him in college), and it piqued my curiosity.

Back when I was younger, I used to be crazy over martial arts (and most people that take it up are either nuts about it or just wanna hit some people). In fact, thinking back, if it wasn't for Bruce Lee I wouldn't be making movies, even though I keep trying to give that credit to Rodriguez, Scorcese and P. Ramlee. Thanks to his movies I tried to make my own childish version of 'Enter the Dragon' which came out 99% shit.

But back to the plot.

Naren wants to take up boxing to get in shape. I, too, have been steadily contemplating getting back into some kind of activity that does not involve sitting infront of a computer. I've been meaning to get back on my skateboard for a while but never seem to find the time. Skating is also weather permitting and it's monsoon. But boxing, that's a thought.

Some of you may ask, "why don't you just join the gym?" fair point, but the reasons I can't imagine joining a gym are many, of which here are a few:

(a) Learning to box is keeping your body fit by learning an activity. Skating is keeping your body fit by doing something fun. Joining a gym is keeping your body fit by keeping your body fit, which makes it somewhat pointless to me. In the words of Tyler Durden, "self improvement is masturbation".

(b) Gyms are often filled with toned, muscular men and girls with gorgeous figures in tight figure hugging and revealing clothing. They look good, like sculptures of Greek gods. Quite intimidating to someone with a disproportionate belly.

Besides, the sick and twisted side of me is wondering what it's like to get beaten up (albeit in a safe and controlled environment), to feel. Either that or I've been watching 'Fight Club' too much.

And, as opposed to martial arts, there's something much more primal about boxing. It's not a whirlwind ballet of high kicks and sommersaults, it's two guys ducking, bobbing and weaving before swinging their fists in a roundhouse motion, connecting to someone's face and flooring them to the fucking ground. The word 'fight' can mean a hundred things to a hundred people, but the words 'fist fight' evokes brute and brawn, rough and mean, downright dirty pummelling.

I'm still unsure. I may go next Friday for my first lesson with Naren, considering the first lesson is free. I'm wondering if it'll be as torturous as my kung fu lessons all those years back where the sifu would push down on our legs when we were stretching. This was the same kung fu lessons where a 30 year old full contact fighter side kicked my nuts and sent me flying.

16.11.05 07:26

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THIS is how I feel right about now...

This pic should've been posted up together with others in a post of the pics taken on Day 7. Instead, I've been rushed about like a headless chicken, sat in to watch a research group where the discussion was done in mandarin and the person translating had a poor grasp of English and bad hearing, I've rushed through traffic, forced to take a job which is basically a cock-sucking session as incredibly serious (which I don't appreciate one bit), I'm late for an open house with my parents (which I know they were secretly looking forward to and now they will be quietly dissapointed), I've discovered I'm working on Saturday (which happens to be the same day that I'm supposed to be recording) and all those times that I used to feel like quitting that I thought were gone are all back again.

And it's not even that bad a job. It's just infuriating. This whole week it feels like everybody's out to piss me off and whilst I know that a lot of other guys in the same field as mine go through a hundred times worse. Hell, I know I've gone through a thousand times worse than this.

BUT I used to believe in it.

Whenever I start a job, I absorb, learn and do all I can. Hell, make me a shoe shiner and for that first year I'll shine those shoes so fine you'll be able to see up girls' skirts.

But if there's no rainbow, if there's no light at the end of the tunnel, if all the rousing speeches begin to feel like they're without promise and all those things you thought would happen the harder you worked don't happen, well, there's a problem.

Anyone who's been keeping tabs on this blog know that I rant a lot about my job, but I'm sure many of you noticed last year it was for the sake of ranting, and more often than not I wrote them in such a way they'd (hopefully) entertain. Release tension through humour. Fun.

But I'm sure those who keep tabs have noticed that they don't sound like that anymore. They sound like someone who's well and truly pissed and tired.

This week really wasn't as bad as I make it out to be if it happened maybe a year ago. But now? It's a different kettle of fish indeed.

I'm looking back at my options. I'm not sure whether I can hold off till December (for those that remember the plan). Either way, we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

By the way, that make up job was done by my friend Aishah for my movie. Pretty good, eh?

18.11.05 12:59

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Pics from Day 7 of the production Ciplak

Effing finally...

Definitely gonna use this as one of my promo stills.

Hassan Peter Brown gets in character whilst Ariff focuses in. I absolutely loved Peter's performance and I think many a person who've known him from the music scene will probably get a shock. It's so out of his usual character.

I'm really not sure what we're doing here, but a guess I'd say we're checking the camera before shooting the 'Blair Witch' shot where I run through the garden (which I swear could pass for a jungle).

Production manager and love of my life Diana and I wonder what the fuck we're going to do. This is probably my pensive 'how-do-I-best-do-this-shot-for-optimum-artistic-merit' pose when in actuality my thought process would've probably gone more along the lines of "Fuck me, why didn't I just grow up with a love for accounting?"

A rare moment of happiness before the inevitable shit-storm that is a day on the production of 'Ciplak'.
More pics, as usual, available on my Flickr page for your viewing pleasure.

20.11.05 07:15

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